Dedicated to the Parents and Teachers at Sandy Hook School

December 17, 2012
Unknown Grief

To my Sandy Hook School brothers and sisters
Death does not win
How can I sleep tonight?
When my daughter’s body lies in the school
Bullet ridden lifeless touched by law enforcement people
Looking for evidence
My mind races through the darkness
Revealing corridors of darkness so deep I wonder
Could I find my way out of this hellish maze
Something pulls me deeper into this path
I had to go, I could not turn back
I walked, stumbled, cried, ready to give up
With darkness before and behind me
I did not know which way to go anymore
I walked where my feet led
Laying to rest and sleep befriended me
But the journey into darkness continues even as I sleep
I awaken with beads of perspiration
Groping trying to find my baby girl
Then I remember she is at the school
Where I sent her nicely dressed telling her to have fun
Mommy will be back to pick you up
She was so happy, so trusting
Memories piled up on top of one another,
Tears spilled everywhere
I have never known a load so heavy
Yet I carried on
And in the distance there I saw a speck of light
And as I ran towards it the light became bigger and bigger
I had found my way out of the morass
Clean open air
I know my daughter was gone
The fear was burnt out and a calm peace settled in
There were new thoughts how beautiful my baby was
How loving
She loved to hug with all her arms
Her hug so sweet, so sweet, so very sweet
Followed by her soft wet kisses on my lips, on my cheeks
“Mommy I love you” she’d say and I’d say “I love you too”
I think of her when the old darkness threatens and she comforts me.
Death will not have dominion, not in this case
My baby is alive and closer to me than ever before
I carry her in my heart
She will always be my baby girl.
She was such a special little girl, she was an angel on earth.
BAW Dec 2012(c)

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